Online Host: Welcome! We are joined tonight by Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of "Simple Abundance." Do you often feel like your life is rolling along without you? That you've lost the true sense of who you were before you became a wife, a mother, a partner? The commitments woman face today can be overwhelming - between family, friends, work and community, it's no wonder that daily life often feels like a tug of war. We've heard time and again that the answers and the key to happiness are within us, but how do we find that peace? How to we move to a positive place in our daily lives?
What the 90's woman really needs is a brief daily dose of spiritual common sense - reassurance and calmness that can carry them through the day. In her new book, "Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy," Sarah Ban Breathnach takes women on a daily journey that, over the course of a year, may actually change forever the way they look at themselves and the world.
We are glad that you've joined us tonight! Do you have questions about how to incorporate these lessons into such already hectic times? What do you find particularly frustrating about the stresses of today's society? Send your questions and comments now for Sarah Ban Breathnach by using the Interact Icon. Welcome everyone!
Question: I feel like I lost my real life somewhere down the line. I should be happy, but for some reason I am depressed. What can you suggest?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I think that what you want to do, is to step back, pause and take a new look at your life. Look at your life as if you were seeing it for the first time. Instead of focusing on what is missing in your life, take a good look and inventory everything that is working. This is the beginning of the "Simple Abundance" philosophy. There are six principles that can become catalysts for change and self discovery. Gratitude is the first of these principles. Simplicity, order, harmony, beauty and joy follow. Each grow from the other, but the entire process starts when we say thank you for what is working in our lives.
Question: I recently left a very successful job, moved to a new state and married a wonderful man, but I feel like I left myself somewhere along the way. I am less stressed, more fulfilled and more relaxed, but I feel like something is missing.....HELP!
Sarah Ban Breathnach: What may be missing is the sense that you're living an authentic life. Just because we have the pieces of the puzzle - a wonderful home, marriage, success at work, etc. - doesn't mean that it all comes together until we figure out whether the puzzle is our authentic life. An authentic life is one that we love - a lifestyle that we embrace with passion every day. The way that we find that passion is to rediscover what really counts in our life and rediscover what it is that we truly love. It is very difficult to love the life that you are living if you don't know what it is that you really love doing in your life. An authentic live excavates our buried dreams. There is something that you love passionately - get in touch with what that is.
Question: What prompted this book? How can it help me ?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: It was my own soul searching. About 5 years ago after finishing two other books about Victorian domestic life, I was supposed to begin another on Victorian decorative details, but the thought of ruminating on ruffles and flourishes just filled me with dread. I tend to write the books I need to read. I wanted to write a book that would show me how to reconcile my deepest spiritual, authentic and creative longings with often what seemed like overwhelming and conflicting commitments to my family, my invalid mother, work in the home, work in the world, friends and community. I knew I was not the only woman that felt as if real life was an out of body experience. I knew I was not the only woman constantly frazzled, depressed and exhausted. But I had no answers for myself, because I didn't know what the questions were. I wanted many, many things that our culture tells us will make us happy - money, success, genuine creative expression and recognition, but I had not a clue what it was that I really needed. That was the beginning of "Simple Abundance" and my search to find the answers between my needs and my wants.
Question: What is it that your book suggests for slowing down?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: First thing, I like to think that my book is a 500 page permission slip for women to start taking care of themselves. Try this tomorrow - after you finish each task, whatever it is that you are doing, just take 5 minutes before you hurdle into the next task. No one will know you are taking these breaks, but if you start taking these moments between tasks, it will come to symbolize the pause that we need to take to rediscover what is truly important in each of our lives.
Question: Please define "authentic selves."
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I think the authentic self is the highest expression of our divinity within our humanity. It is when we reveal the depths of our beauty, our brilliance, compassion and creativity. When we are authentic, we reveal to not only ourselves but to the world, the image of our soul.
Question: I feel that being a mother, wife, worker, etc., I have lost my identity. I am now in my 40's. How should I begin to get it back?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: We've all, as mothers, wives and workers, to a certain extent have lost a sense of our identity, and the reason this has happened is because we no longer know our own preferences. What it is that WE love? We've been going with the family to all the Terminator movies instead of stopping one Saturday and saying, "I would really like to see Sense and Sensibility." We can't do that until we rediscover, or excavate, our preferences. Try writing down 10 things that you love to do when you are alone. Don't panic of you can't get past three. This is a typical female response. When you start to get in touch with your own preferences you may find and be delighted by the fact that you can get to 100. This all takes time. "Simple Abundance" is not spiritual fast food, but a day-to-day journey to awaken the sleeping beauty; the beauty of your authentic self.
Question: Is "Simple Abundance" only intended for women or could its principles apply for men as well?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Certainly. I am glad you asked that. Although I wrote it for women, it's because I only know the kinds of stuff that women carry in their heads. But the principles of gratitude, simplicity, harmony, beauty, order and joy are not gender specific. I have been amazed and touched to discover that the message of rediscovering your life's loves is speaking to men also. Simple abundance is really the awareness of all the good that is within your reach at this very moment.
Question: What is the most important first step in improving a poor self image?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Accepting yourself as you are right at this moment. Not when you lose the last 50 pounds, or when you get the new job or the perfect relationship - but accepting yourself now. You are incredible. You are magnificent. You have gifts that only you can give this world. All that you don't have is the awareness of how precious you are and how much the world needs your special gifts. I wrote "Simple Abundance" in order to help you discover those gifts.
Question: Does your book give us the tools to do these things?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Yes, there are some very specific insight tools on this journey. The first tool, and this is not an option if you truly want to begin the journey of self discovery and make a change in your life from sadness and misery to joy and peacefulness, is starting a gratitude journal TONIGHT. I want you to write down 5 things that you have to be grateful for this very night. And each day from now on for the next two months, I want you to write the 5 things you are grateful for each and every day. Now, not all days will be easy. Some days you will be only thankful that the day is over and you are going to bed! Make a master list of blessings - do you have your health? Friends? A family that you love and that loves you in return? Do you have a home? A paycheck? Do you have dreams? You are a very wealthy person. Give thanks. The 13th century German mystic Meister Eckhart said "If the only prayer you ever offer in your entire life is 'thank you', it will be enough." Gratitude. My life perception began to change from the moment I said thank you - and yours will too.
Question: How do I cope with all of the solicitations from worthy causes I believe in? They make me feel so guilty. I don't have the time or money to answer or give to all of the charities. It depresses me.
Sarah Ban Breathnach: There are many worthy causes that need our help, but we can't help them all. You need to make choices. If you get a telephone call and you can't help them, try telling them that you have chosen another cause and that is the one you are concentrating on at this time.
Question: I feel that someone is missing in my life. What should I do ?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Is the someone missing, your sense of who you are? Your authentic self? Many times we do feel that a special someone is missing, but that someone is the person we truly are. When you discover your authentic sense of self, and recognize her and reconnect with her, you will begin the journey to wholeness. You will realize that you are never alone. A deep source of love lies within.
Question: Where can I find Sarah's book in CT?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I wish I could tell you! Just keep calling and asking your bookstore. Warner has ordered another 50,000 books.
Question: Even though we may be living your passion, I still feel like I am missing out on something and should be doing something besides what I'm going now.
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Are you really doing or living your passion? Maybe you only think it is your passion because you've been influenced by so many other people in your life. You'll know it's your passion if you would jump out of bed every morning to be doing it.
Question: Will this book help depression?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I am not a therapist. I would recommend that if you are depressed, you talk to a professional. But my book can help you. Start the journey within to ask the important questions.
Question: Does your book provide a means for identifying the true or authentic self? Have one on order as none can be found in town since your appearance on Oprah.
Sarah Ban Breathnach: There are tools in "Simple Abundance" that help you discover your authentic preferences. One of these tools is called the Illustrated Discovery Journal. This is a large, blank, artist's notebook in which you create personal collage. When we begin the journey of self discovery we may only think that we love a certain way of decorating or dressing. I recommend that you go through magazines and catalogues and tear out images that catch your eye or speak to you. Start arranging them on paper in your notebook. Make no judgments as you begin this process, but after awhile, you will begin to notice a trail towards an authentic love. For example, you're living with American country furnishings. You've loved it, or so you thought, for the last 20 years. Then why are pictures of floral covered couches appearing in your discovery journal? The questions help you find the answers.
Question: How do you correct yourself if you feel that you are living an unhappy life? A job that you are miserable at and the life at home stresses you out?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Again, stop focusing on what is not working. Start looking, start choosing to focus on the good that is in your life. That is the first step. The more we focus on lack, and what we don't have, the more lack clings to us. When we start focusing on the good and being grateful for it, we open the door to abundance through creative choices.
Question: Do you think the balance of life is more probable with a partner?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: You must learn to honor your life individually. You must find your own path to wholeness. You have to do this for yourself. It would be easier if another person could magically transform our lives, but only you can do that for yourself. That is the message within "Simple Abundance." Everything you seek is already within you.
Question: I am the mother of 5 little ones ranging in ages 10 weeks to 8 1/2 years. I got started in life VERY early. What can this book do for me?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: "Simple Abundance" can help you realize that if you do not start taking care of yourself, you will not be able to care in the way that you want to, for your family. Women are careaholics. We care about our families, husbands, friends, lovers, work, PTA bakesales, issues, community and even the state of the planet. The only thing we don't care about is ourselves. Self nurturance is very difficult for most women. Anyone who has 5 little ones depending on her needs to learn how to take care of herself. Remember when we are on an airline flight, they tell you if traveling with children, to put on our own oxygen mask first. It is the same way with self nurturance. Even if it is a cup of tea in the afternoon or a bubble bath after the children are in bed.
Question: I am a spiritual person, an optimist, and very thankful for what I have, but, in reality I have to work 12 hours a day to pay the bills and it is so hard to keep the dreams alive. You can't just go for your dreams when you need to survive. Any suggestions?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: The dream will wait for you, as long as you cherish it in your heart. Nurture your dreams in your imagination. Just because our dreams are often delayed does not mean that they will not come true. It took me five years to bring "Simple Abundance" into the world. Cherish your dream. And ask that the great creator who gave you the gift of that dream will tell you through your intuition the next small step that you can take to keep that dream alive.
Question: What do you suggest? How can we begin to "de-stress" and find more peace in our daily lives?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I do have some coping mechanisms for stress in my book. Cultivate gratitude. Begin and end the day with prayer, meditation or reflection. Never make a promise you can't keep. Try to go to bed at 9 PM twice a week - yes, you can! Laugh more often. If you don't love it, learn to live without it. Stop trying to please everyone; start pleasing yourself. Don't squander your precious resources - time, creativity and emotion. Honor your aspirations. Surrender expectations. Create boundaries. Remember that happiness is a living emotion. Be willing to exchange security for serenity. Search for your authentic self until you find her. God speed on your journey.
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Thank you to Oprah, and her fabulous staff for inviting me to be here with you online tonight. I hope to have the opportunity to chat with you again. My prayer for all of you tonight is that you can start to learn your lessons through joy.
Online Host: We are so glad you've joined us this Sunday evening! A special thank you again to Sarah Ban Breathnach for sharing her thoughts with us tonight. We hope you will all find the lessons be learned from "Simple Abundance" and embark on your own journey of self discovery and peace. Have a great night. Goodnight from Harpo!
